In the most difficult times the beauty of the the world, life and people becomes most apparent. Watching death of a loved one is terrible an very sad, but has also made me appreciate simple, small things again, things that most of the time we all take for granted...
It forced me to stop, take good long look around me and see how much I have in this world. It has made me aware of all the wonderful supportive friends I have spread around the world and how wonderful this gift of life is.
The pain does not disappear, it lurks under the surface awaiting any moment of weakness when it can then take hold of my entire being. Through this vail of sorrow I can still see the light, the positive things that have come out of this situation and know that if she had to go, this was a relatively good way for it to happen... But it seems so unfair, so brutal, so abrupt. Why her, why one of the best most gentile kind and loving people I know.
Yet, she lived a full life and now, I can only be thankful for having had her as my mother, for everything she gave me, for the appreciation of nature and life that she instilled in me from before I was born, for the wonderful experiences she shared with me and for the free spirited approach to life that she taught me. She was an amazing strong and loving mother... Though every sad to see her go, I am extremely thankful to have had the chance to be with her till the very end, to be able to feel her last breath, to give back a little piece of the love and caring she gave me, to be able to say goodbye to my dear mother and be able to let her go rather than have her taken from me without any warning.
Letting go of someone so important to me, is a huge step - a terrifing leap into the gaping void... Yet this ending also brings a beginning. In the midst of the darkness there is always light and new opportunities, if one is open to seeing them. Slowly emerging from the void, I am discovering many parts of life which I had been neglected and appreciate all the things I take for granted. Thank you my dearest mother for believe in me and supporting my crazy ideas. You will live on in my heart forever...
And thank you to my family and friends for all of your support and love!
"In the end only three things matter...
How much you loved,
How gently you lived,
And how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."